Yeah, they shoulda used nukes

I haven't yet bribed Steel enough for him to tell me where he finds this stuff, but don't worry, I'm working on it.

It seems the UN, specifically that arm dedicated to the welfare of little children everywhere, UNICEF, has produced a film guaranteed to warm and gladden the hearts of people everywhere.

They bomb the blue right off of the Smurfs.  That's right—they bomb the Smurf village, "leaving behind dead and dying Smurfs in a scene reminiscent of an Hieronymus Bosch painting."

The video is part of a public education campaign on the ravages of war.

The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

Tiny Smurfs scatter and run in vain from the whistling bombs, before being felled by blast waves and fiery explosions. The final scene shows a scorched and tattered Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably, surrounded by prone Smurfs.

The final frame bears the message: "Don't let war affect the lives of children..."

If any kids saw this movie, seeing that it's about, you know, Smurfs, then it's too late, guys.  I'd say it's already affected them.  Sheesh.

But that's not the best part.  It wasn't graphic enough for the UN.

"We wanted something that was real war - Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head -but they said no."

Real blood and gore—yeah, that's the ticket.  I assume "they" were Joseph Barbera and whoever else helps him run Cartoon Network Studios, seeing that William Hanna left us in 2001.  I guess they have, like, standards or something.  Killjoys.

I'm with Steel—I think they should have nuked the Little Blue Menaces™, especially that whiny-voiced Smurfette, running and hollering "Papa Smurf!  Papa Sm...(poof!)" as they all vaporize into wispy blue puffs with white hats in the face of unimaginable heat, leaving behind only charred blue shadows on the ground.  Then, whoever survives gets...well, that can wait for the sequel.  Don't want to give it all away, now.

What I really wanted to find, to go with this, was Mean Mr. Mustard's hilarious "United Nations Man," wielder of the "steel resolution," but alas, it seems to have faded from the internet over the last couple of years.  Unless someone archived the image, it may be gone forever (sniff).  Too bad—it was a classic.

But back in the early 90s I wrote this (long before I was on the net, of course):

President Saddam
Chased 'em and shot 'em
Beating his Kurds to whey.
Along came the U.N.
And sat down beside him
And said, "What a mean thing to do!  If you don't stop we'll...we'll just...pass
     another resolution.  So go ahead, make our day!"

Don't mess with the UN, folks.  They're a tough bunch.  If you do something they don't like, they just might make a Smurf movie about you, too.

UPDATE:  Mark from Cutting Edge of Ecstacy wonders if this isn't why UN helmets are "Smurf blue."