The legal profession may never recover

Let me make sure I get this straight.

A woman in Ormond Beach, FL, one Diane Johnson, buys a pork loin at her local Publix grocery store.  She gets home and prepares it for her family's evening meal last Tuesday.  In the process of preparing or serving it, she discovers that there's a bullet in it.  A bullet in her pork loin casserole.

But this isn't the strange part (and no, I'm not making this up). 

All she wants is a replacement piece of meat.  Publix is happy to comply with a $10 refund and a fresh pork loin.

She isn't going to sue anyone.  No one.  Not Publix, not the slaughterhouse the meat came from, not the ammo manufacturer, no one.  After all, she said, no one got hurt.

Local lawyers are still in shock, but plan to file a Class Action against Ms. Johnson for Wrongful Denial of Income, Illegal Display of Common Sense (going against Florida community standards), Willful Infliction of Emotional Distress, and all associated Medical Expenses.  Don't try to tell them that no one got hurt.

Ok, I made that last part up, but I can just see the Volusia County Bar Association staring, slack-jawed, at the local newspaper, wondering just what the world has come to when a woman can find a bullet in her pork loin and not only remain calm and emotionally distress-free, but refuse to cash in on this country's Powerball Tort Lottery that has made millionaires out of mental midgets who spill coffee in their laps while driving, not to mention a whole lot of lawyers.

That pig may not have dodged a bullet, but Publix sure did.  And in a small way, so did we all.

Just imagine—is it possible that tort reform in this country could be enacted, not from Washington, but by its citizens?  (Thinks for a moment.)  Nah.

One other thing that came out in the story—Publix officials are puzzled over how the bullet escaped detection beforehand, since all meat is scanned by metal detectors before reaching store shelves.  Why on earth would they scan...on second thought, don't answer that question.

(Hat tip to Ralph Bristol.)

UPDATE:  Thanks to Brad over at The Unrepentant Individual for the link—and he remembers another case that didn't work out quite this way.

Comments

[Rob]

They don't use bullets at the slaughterhouse. Guess this poor sow got pegged by some good'ol boys after a frustrating night of cow tipping...